I have been scouring local stores for the perfect, soft, blue baby blanket to wrap David in when we have to give him back to God. It is the blanket he will be wrapped in when he is buried. I am also crocheting a blue baby blanket that I hope to finish in time to swaddle him in when he is born. When he is cleaned up after birth, I will dress him in his newborn outfit and cap, and wrap him in my handmade crocheted blanket for pictures. Both blankets are special; both have different purposes. The one I am making will stay in the family and one day be given to Jonathan as a special memory of his little brother. It is one of the few things that I can make for David that will be in the background of all his birth pictures and will stay in our family. It gives me joy to knit each stitch.
Picking out the burial blanket is something I have been doing since Mom came in early November. None of the one I had seen up until Monday were perfect enough. But on Monday night, I finally found the right one (oddly enough, at Walmart--where I had never looked); I found David's blanket. It has a blue satin trim. The inside of the blanket is soft, fleece. On the fleece is embroidered, "Thank Heaven for little boys." I texted a photo of it to Bryan. We both agreed it was the right one.
No one passed through the baby aisle I was on while I was deliberating. For that I was thankful. It was a quiet moment in which I prayed for God to give me strength. My next thought was, how am I going to get through the checkout line without a cashier asking me about the blanket, in light of my baby belly? God, please give me strength to do this. Tthe thought came that maybe it was best to go through the self-checkout line, that way I wouldn't have to talk to anyone about our situation.
As I pushed my cart up to the self-checkout area, I heard someone in the next line call my name. I looked up and saw my friend Jennifer. She asked how I was doing. With tears in my eyes, I told her I had just picked out the blanket I would wrap David in when we have to give him back to God. She immediately came over and gave me a big hug. It was the answer to my prayers from back on the baby aisle. God knew how hard this moment had been and he sent Jennifer to literally stand with me as I purchased the sacred blanket. Another hug. It was like having my own personal guardian angel standing with me, giving me strength in a weak moment. We have had increasing happy moments lately (as Bryan described in his blog posting recently), but this was not one of them.
Jennifer is so sweet. She has offered to take baby belly photos of me, but until that night at Walmart our schedules just didn't jive. We were able to set a definite time for her to come out to our house and take some photos. She just spent the entire afternoon with me today doing just that. It was so special. Friends and family really have been the hands and feet of God, ministering comfort in so many ways...photos, meals, flowers sent for weeks on end, cards, prayers, special jewelry. Words are simply not enough to express the gratitude Bryan and I feel in our hearts for each act of love on ours and David's behalf. Thank you.
Speaking of David, we were able to listen to his heartbeat again yesterday and have a 4-D video and ultrasound photos taken of him yesterday. In one of them he is smiling. He looks so much like Jonathan did in his newborn photos. Same cute little nose, forehead, and long Platt fingers. He weighs 1 pound, 9 ounces at 25 weeks, 3 days. We are so blessed to have spent Thanksgiving with him, sing songs to him, talk to him, and decorate our Christmas tree with him, safely tucked inside my tummy. And still, about 75% of the time, he immediately responds to the sound of Jonathan's voice (and strangely no one else's voice). It is a gift he gives his big brother. His presence and life is a daily gift to us. Seeing his sweet little face was the icing on the cake this week.
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