Bryan here. In reading through this blog, I have realized that it appears that all days are bad days. That is not the case. There are some good days mixed in too. Sure there are more than enough down and really down days, but there are quite a few good days too. I've noticed that I have tended to only write something on this blog when it's been a down day. The fair-good days provide us with a chance to recover from the bad ones.
The prayers, thoughts and support from all of you have been a difference maker for us, and we are very thankful to you.
All things considered, the kids are handling this fairly well. We have been open with them about most of what we know about David's condition and his expected passing. We have been careful not to overload them with more than they can handle though. I think Rebecca feels the pain from this most deeply, given her background. With that said, she has done a remarkable job in processing and communicating her feelings. Jonathan understands more deeply what is going on. However, I think that he is internalizing it some. His feelings occasionally come out in spurts, but it isn't frequent. Being the gifted thinker that he is, maybe he is processing it all that way. I hope that the grief and disappointment are not being bottled up. That's never good.
How am I doing? I actually don't know. I don't think I am suppressing any grief or anger right now. I'm not embracing it either. I feel emotionally lethargic and resigned to the fate that awaits. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. Like Jonathan, the grief hits me in spurts. A good example of this was when we had to go speak with the funeral director and to pick out David's plot last week. That was a bad day. I think that the approach of Christmas and the upcoming visit by my parents is doing me a great deal of good. My role right now is to be the support for Heather and a steadying presence for the kids. I guess that God designed me this way for this purpose. As has been the case, I will deal with the grief as it comes, knowing that the full force of it will come when he dies.
Bryan,
ReplyDeleteI was glad to see your words,"My role right now is to be the support for Heather and a steadying presence for the kids." That is exactly what I saw going on when I was there visiting with you all in November. I love you for being the mighty support for Heather and the children that you are, but I hope you will continue to take care of yourself as all this unfolds. It is so difficult to see one's children suffer, but you and Heather have done it with a grace and faith that is humbling. Tom and I love you both and are especially proud to have a son-in-law such as you.
I am amazed and humbled by you Bryan and am glad and grateful Heather has you as her husband. It is a tough and horrible thing for a parent to lose a child at any stage of its life, but it is reassuring to me to see a family confronted with this to reach for the Lord and each other. May the Lord continue to bless and keep you and place His divine countenance upon you and give you peace.
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