I just had a moment of gratitude, strangely, after reading a plethora of blogs written by parents who are suffering on their own journeys: parents of Trisomy 13 and 18 babies; babies lost for unknown reasons early through miscarriage; babies lost through stillbirth; babies born severely disabled; grieving mothers who simply long to carry a baby in their womb beyond the first trimester.
I have said many times lately that hoping for one more baby but never having one is better than what we are going through now. But I think I am changing my mind on that. I am truly grateful to be carrying David Samuel Henry, a very active little boy. I can't imagine if I had never felt him move. I look forward to the afternoons and evenings when he is most active. I feel so blessed to have actually made it through the first trimester and still be carrying him, of being pregnant with him.
I've been down the dark road of early miscarriage; sometimes that experience, although extremely devastating, felt more merciful--made more sense. I reasoned that if something was wrong, God knew it and was being merciful to us and the baby. Even knowing we won't be able to keep David on this earth, somehow I am still in awe that he is still with me right now. If I had lost him early in pregnancy, I would have never known that I had a son. Or his mid-morning stretches or afternoon kicks. I can't wait to be with in Heaven, where there will be no fear of saying goodbye.
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