Officially Trisomy-13

Bryan here again. The gray clouds seem fitting today. As you can see below in Heather's posting we just received the official diagnosis that this is the worst case scenario: Trisomy-13. The results came in a phone call from the doctor who had just received word of the test results. Though we have known this was to be our lot in our hearts for several weeks now, the certainty of our baby's pending death make it difficult-especially when he kicks. The challenge in the coming weeks and months will be to view each movement as a blessing/gift, not as the reminder that one of them will be his last. While I don't know if that will be possible, I do know and retain the hope that he will not suffer much as he is born into heaven-should he die before or during childbirth. If we are blessed to hear a few cries from him at birth before he passes, then that's a blessing too. Who knows, maybe he will get to take a look or two at us before seeing Jesus face-to-face.

For anyone who has gone through this or is going through this (or something similar), the book Heaven is for Real has been a tremendous encouragement for us in this process. Google it. It will change your outlook on life (and after-life ;-)). I have only read/heard parts of it so far, but Heather has told me about some of the more interesting parts. This book is a must read.

So, here's the big question. How does someone get through something as awful as this? Here's how I am dealing with it. The one-day at a time approach doesn't cut it. On days like this, it is one step at the time. When that is too much, it is one breath at a time. It is important to keep the daily routine going. Complacency is never a good thing-especially now. Get out of the house. Don't suppress the grief. Don't wallow in it either. Deal with it as it comes. Don't feel guilty when you have a good day or week.Hold onto and lean on those you love.  Humbly accept the help and solace of friends and family-even when you don't feel like it.

Our church family, family and friends have been so good to us. It brings tears to my eyes. They make us keenly aware that we are not alone in this trial. They are going through it with us.I remember that; for those of you in this (or a similar) situation remember that. It sure is nice not to be alone in this!!! In writing this, I realize that not everyone who reads this may have these same relationships available, but there is a greater source of help: God.

The brutally honest question to ask in this is why would I turn to the one who caused this to happen for comfort? That is a very good question. The only way that I can explain it is that he's still God, he's still the creator of everything, I still belong to him, and he is my (heavenly) father. Nearly all fathers deeply care about their children. So my sadness is his sadness. He shares in my pain. I don't know why he chose to let this happen to us, but I still need to accept it.This is not to say that there are not very frank discussions going on between him and me about this from time to time. But the neat thing  is that he nearly always replies. Unfortunately, it is more often something that doesn't set too well with me-but it is always the truth. I still find it mind boggling to know that I can have this relationship with the creator of everything and that he has cares for me individually. His vastness doesn't make me feel small and insignificant, rather it makes me feel comforted-like a warm blanket. As I remark in the wonder of all this, my focus shifts from this bleak trial to God. My spirit lifts. This must be how the persecuted Christians in other countries find joy and contentment in spite of their circumstances.